Saturday, March 18, 2006
Heavy heart
Back from the BBQ at Mr Pah's house.
15 minutes left of my chinese teacher's radio program.
10pm to 12am UFM 100.3. Nice voice, nice songs.
What more can I say?
Back from the "long awaited" BBQ.
Back with a Heavy Heart.
Yeah. 4E7 hasn't changed much.
But I feel this has been the worst class BBQ of all.
Everyone seperated into cliques, my own behaviour and Lyndel's departure.
Aww. So sad ok Del.
Lol.
Most of all disappointed with how I behaved.
Hmm.
Yes.
I guess I shall be frank and honest here.
Flame me if you want. I'm going to say what I WANT to say and not what I SHOULD say.
So there. FLAME ME :D
Ok. First person.
Who shall I start with?
A highly controversial figure.
Maybe Zi Wei?
You seem to be the outcast. And yet sometimes you're not.
Is this my fault?
You claim you felt nothing, nothing mattered.
So you're going to leave it at that?
I wonder whats going on in your mind.
Anyway, seeing you bugs me.
Because I don't know if you want me to hate you or if you hate me, or if you want to be on talking terms with me.
Whatever the case, you don't want/dare to talk to me hence I'll do the same to you.
You look at me, Izaac and loga talking.
What do you look at us with? Hate? Or what? Missing us being friends before?
I don't know. Perhaps you might just want to tell me or us for that matter.
I'm getting sick of pretending you don't exist.
Its so awkward talking to people you were talking with. Didn't you find that awkward?
Just clear up the air or something about what happened in secondary 4.
Ok, next.
Cliques.
Ok. If Lyndel was there I'd probably be snotty as well. Lol.
SOME cliques certainly contain some snotty people.
But then where would you not find snotty people?
Heck I'd be snotty as well towards some people.
Nothing much to complain about. :D
As usual people of note:
Hmm Krissy tried to interact with me but we ended up ignoring each other again.
I don't know but in general I don't think we'd get on at all.
Maybe I don't know her well enough.
Which I think is the case.
But really, I think she hates my guts. HAH!
Oh well. My perspective :D FLAME ME.
Hui Ling is strangely hostile to me.
I remember certain incidents in secondary 4.
Strange that she was the first good friend I made in Sec 3 and now I feel this air of hostility she projects to me.
Well...I can only return in kind my dear :/
Yes well I guess these are the 3 people who... Well...
Have bothered me somehow or rather.
By seeing how they treat me or others.
Ah well.
I won't be seeing them anymore except for Ziwei whom I guess I shall continue blatantly ignoring unless he wants to clarify anything.
I just want to put all conflicts behind.
If you want to talk I will talk with you.
I hate having some silent secret shit that drags on for years.
Gah.
And if you don't clear things up I guess I shall simply ask you one day.
"Hi, so are we enemies or what?"
So yeah.
Anything you want flame me.
Because I admit I drop by your blog unlike your claim on not ever visiting mine. Is it true? I'll never know :D
Ok the part I've been waiting for.
To criticise myself.
Yes dearest Sheri-haters.
Cheer and rejoice for I'm going to be self critical now :)
He came.
I wasn't there.
I asked him to come and yet I was no where to be found.
One look at him made me run.
Wobbly legs and all.
Ok. I had a crush on him and I guessed its diminished since it started.
Diminished significantly but I can't hide the awkwardness that comes with interacting with him.
I mean I seemed barely civil when he spoke to me.
Tensed body, pounding heart? You name it.
I've seemed superficial and snottish.
And I'm sorry for it.
Because I don't want you to dislike me.
And yet it seems I suceed everytime.
Hah.
The things I said. Well theres nothing much to say about them :/
I don't know.
I don't know how to express this.
I think I seem rude and cold.
And it is, well, all my own fault. Haha.
I'm not like that with people I like.
Like good friends and such.
I guess its because I had a crush on you and thats why I'm so embarassed to speak to you.
Its like a secret I'm hiding and I feel bad about even liking you because you're attached.
But saying that, I can't help it.
I just feel those symptoms (ala pounding heart blah blah) whenever you're around.
I must highlight this though I like and respect you purely as who and what you are.
Nothing more.
Oh gosh this is embarassing.
I'm airing my dirty laundry. Haha.
Oh well. I'll probably never see you out anywhere again.
But once more I would like to apologise for not playing "host" to you since it was I who notified you and thus feel obligated.
It seems I'm an ungracious host :/
Hah.
But I didn't mean to do that :(
I do like you pretty much. Platonic that is. :)
Haha.
Oh well.
That was enjoyable.
I got a huge load out of my system :)
I have had enough of 4E7.
I don't like it.
I miss and will always treasure the times I spent in 3E7.
Yes. 3E7 was the best year I spent in Xinmin.
Probably the best class I've ever had.
Goodnight to all my dearest Sheri-haters and friends.
And well. I'd wish for the day when all conflicts are resolved :)
Sherilyndel Revolted at Saturday, March 18, 2006 |
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