Monday, May 15, 2006
Optimism
Is school really that bad?
I know I whine too.
Sigh a million times a day, longing to go home.
Reason?
I'll be frank here.
I'm a freaking lazy ass.
Yep.
I want to go home. To play, to slack, to sleep whatever.
I just don't want to do work.
I'm in denial.
Denying the fact that I need to do work.
I'm waiting for miracles to happen, for my grades to improve tenfold.
But I know thats impossible.
I know I'm in denial, but I deny that I'm in denial.
Yay.
Secondary school days...
I didn't dread them.
Why?
Because I knew I could come and slack.
And still bluff my way through the exams.
Because I had time.
4 years compared with 2 years in a JC.
I'm scared here.
I'm afraid of the As.
Thats why I'm stressed.
Because I know I can't slack too much.
But just what is "too much"?
That is the problem.
Self discipline.
I'm too much of a slacker to have much discipline when it comes to my studies.
I've always been a midnight-last minute mugger.
No sleep before exams.
Why? I'm mugging the whole night through.
And it sucks.
Yes I managed to get decent grades.
But I paid the price of having enormous eyebags.
And frankly, I think people tend to romanticise the pass.
Its always "the good old days".
When do we hear "the great now"?
Never.
In our minds, the past is always great.
Its always perfect no matter how crappy it was.
Because we are resistant to change.
We don't want to change.
Why?
Fear maybe?
Fear of the unknown?
Or maybe its just me.
I was scared.
And I'm still scared.
But this is how life works.
I need to go on.
If people can pass through JC education in one piece and with average grades, why can't I?
And why can't you?
We can all do it.
If we set our minds to it.
And I just heard Izaac's quitting school tomorrow...
So here's my final words.
I wish you all the best Alice.
Please please PLEASE make sure you go to one and not end up working at Popular the rest of your life.
And though it seems impossible, I still hope you'll stay.
There's no proof that people who don't like JCs will like Polys.
And Polys are in no way slacker than JCs.
Both require hard work.
Everything does.
There's no escaping it no matter how hard we try.
I'll pray for your Dad everyday, don't think too much about it.
I hope you can leave the past behind and move on. There will never be the same 4E7 again.
We left it behind in 2005.
We can meet up and reminisce but there's no turning back time.
We can't experience the same things that happened then.
Yep. That's all I have to say I guess.
Or rather that's all I can bring myself to say.
So many doubts, so many concerns.
But my fingers refuse to type them out.
I guess time will tell and I hope time proves me wrong.
Work hard ok Alice!
I'll still be here. Waiting, watching, ready.
Au revoir...
Sherilyndel Revolted at Monday, May 15, 2006 |
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